End of The Line Extract

I get on the tube every morning, squeeze into a corner, try not to catch anyone’s eye and stand there staring straight ahead on the verge of tears wanting to be back in bed. All I crave is to sit down and close my eyes, shut out the smell, the heat, but I can’t escape the bodies around me. Then it stops at the station and I’m pushed and shoved over the platform and squeezed onto the elevator. I never walk up always stand with my eyes shut tight, pretending I’m still in the dream world that I didn’t want to leave an hour before. All around me extras from some evil film trudge past, every person the same, a whole metropolis of zombies. The grey suits they wear slowly crawl up their neck and cover their faces until all I see are walking suits with buttons for eyes. I have to contend with this everyday I have to live in this world to survive. Then through the ticket barrier pushed and shoved again by the faceless many, all silently cursing their private hell, misery upon misery forced down my throat as I gag on the stench, the collective horror that walks before my eyes. Faceless autocrats in their fluorescent coats herd us into noiseless pens that swing open as I identify myself to the camera in the sky that marks my journey whilst I swipe my electronic tag through the barrier. Everyday the pressure building up behind my eyeballs until I want to cry out loud, Oh Lord why me? Then I’m vomited into the cold light where the sound of traffic announces my brief arrival into the real world of light and sounds. Still cold, harsh but real, until I’m snagged by the swinging doors of my office and gobbled up into the maw of the climbing beast that deposits me in my chair, where I’m strapped to the computer to prevent escape. I sit at the desk, turn on the machine and stare, waiting, the little beep sounds like a heart monitor. The first call is the hardest, like waiting for an injection. You anticipate the pain and it stings at first, but then the anaesthetic kicks in till you can feel nothing, just the tugging as the tooth is pulled out.