Laos Extract

The true beauty of this country is lost as I wander its quiet waterways, alone and desperate searching for a moment of grace, and it’s the heart bound couples drinking the glory of the sun and the sweet smell of rain that destroy me. Half glimpsed fingers tracing love lines tear strips off my soul as the gentle Mekong swells against my shores. Even the soft smiles of the river men and their families wash over while I stare at the canopied skyline hiding the horizon.

Gently I lie on my bed, stricken by a vision of a light floating on the river, guiding me downstream as the scorpions’ swarm, too scared to move lest I slide into the dark unseen. Silently I slip between moonlit Karsts, mingle tears with monsoon rivers weeping silently with ghosts of yesteryear, stroking the memory of your smile, till sleep comes at last, fitful and sweat stained, your hand holding mine in dreams, your face fading into the night.

Internet Dating

Ruby Tuesday thinks she likes my name but isn’t sure.

Slipping outside she slides in shadows leaving dust motes glittering in the rain.

Misty Blue squats at the bottom of my garden, belching bellicose notes whistling like duck lures.

She can’t help but try too hard, filling my toes with lead.

La La Lulu is a different matter.

Sitting atop my tower, tiara in hand never replying but always teasing. She loves a bit of sauce at5 am.

Minging Mandy is scary. Bugger me, what a mistake.

Diasy Matilda was a pipe-dream. Beautiful blue, fringe benefits that I never tasted, sweeping like a phoenix, surveying my land.

Flibberty-Gibberty Gerty swung on the stars and slept in a fridge. She giggled when I licked her, put me off my stroke,

missing a beat.

Top Hat Girl had a delightful button nose that fastened my coat, tied my laces and walked me to school.

Hard lessons that tasted of tin.

Savoy Truffle was the one that got away.

How, I’ll never know.

Offering

Slowly, I pull back from the edge, eyes adjusting to the half light.

A flash of green then pure white reflecting the rays of the moon, copper and blue glisten on bare skin as the cord is tightened and the blow struck. Blood streams, staining the earth muddy black, an oil slick creeping greedily to the waters edge.

Suddenly she is there, beneath the surface, a crown of scarlet floating lifeless in the dead pool. Her eyes never leave mine as she slides silently into the deeps cradled in a pale shroud, reaching out, beckoning me down to the dark place.

My brain fogs, feet lift away from the ground and I am falling, straight to heaven. The heavy water slips over my head, cool and cruel, sucking me into her embrace. Red tresses wipe away my tears and cold talons grasp me tighter. Fish legs wrap around my waist as I sink into her, faint pulse of a dead heart beating against mine, encircling me as I lose myself in her blue gaze.

Quietly she speaks, softly whispering, soothing as I buckle and shake. Slimy tongue darting in and out while I gasp for air. Dying teeth bite, drawing the last of my blood, greedily supping from the well, licking my life dry.

Lost now, naught but dull sapphires to keep me company, wrapped for eternity in a pale shroud, sleeping beneath the heavy water.

I don’t want to be left with my memories. I only want the beauty, your beauty, the secret glance, soft lips, dark luminescence beneath my fingers lighting at my touch, phosphorescence sparking to life, trace lines of our passion written in sweat, rivulets meeting the earth soaking the land.

Nuzzle my throat, hit the sweet spot with your breath, crawl inside me, bless me with your scent.

Hold tight, don’t let me go.

Forbidden Room Extract

The complexities of reality are such that the human mind cannot comprehend the infinite distance between the real and imagined.

There are few of us who have access to that terrifying plain called reality. Most of us never see it, drifting along on an unconscious wave of pink fluff that carries us from cradle to grave. Sometimes the veil slips and the true nature of everything is revealed. Day by day, we find new and wonderful ways to hide the truth from ourselves, a magic man who can walk on water, a prophet who ascends to heaven and bald fat man who sits under a leaf glimpsing the nature of the cosmos. None of them come close to the true chaos that lurks just on the edge of vision.

We have though.

Spend a second in our universe and you shall see the true horrific nature of life as we know it, complete and utter chaos that wraps around, tugging at our clothes, desperately attempting to rip us naked, tear us to shreds, but our pink clouds keep them at bay, without them we would collapse.

This didn’t exist before, till I walked into this room, but I don’t remember how I got here. There was nothing till I woke here fully clothed and sentient. Are my memories real? Am I real? I remember a room full of candles, lights shining from every surface, illuminating a marble fireplace, blackened and matt a brief gleam moaning from the worn iron. A woman stands before me, naked in the yellow light, copper skin glistening as I trace the outline of her back whilst I draw her close, chasing her scent around my head. Another image of her crying, reaching out to me pleading with her fingers stretched tight clawing at the air that separates us. I think she’s important, but I don’t remember, just complete emptiness when I feel her black eyes search mine. Yet another, on the top deck of a bus leaning back with my head against the window. Weak light filters through as I watch the street outside pass without moving, buildings meld into each other signs drip their paint to the floor all form is lost as people stare up empty sockets mocking me, slowly my vision fills till I can’t see for the salt. You again, the sun is setting, shrouding you in golden light, giving birth to your beauty second by second, Hermes ready with knife, but in your eyes nothing but love as you lean in to kiss me and fill my world with burnished bronze. Morning bed sheets and tears, wrapped in white, hair framing your perfection as water scores ravines across you cheeks, the acid of your pain etching patterns across my heart whilst I pull awa, through the door, loss turning my tongue to ashes in my mouth as I struggle to take it back. Sitting, on a blood red chair, bottle in one hand, naked covered in shame, bathing in humiliation as you walk through the door and gather me in your arms, soothing away the demons with your soft touch and gentle kisses, but still they gather at the gates waiting for a chink to force through the crowbar.

Once more you save me.

Once more you break the glass.

Memories fading now as I move closer to the source, the scourge, the barbed wire that tears skin. Sing me love, swear your love, cherish my love. Words beat my ears, ravage my brain, confusion reigns as I battle against the dark will that pervades my body.

Sing me love,

Swear your love,

Cherish my love,

Give me love.

Forbidden Room Extract

My eyes feel like they’re skipping out of their sockets, popped by static.

Nothing.

No delusions or unshakeable beliefs in false ideas. Does not ruminate recurrent or persistent thoughts involving complex sequences and internal debates that enter the mind despite efforts to exclude them. No obsessive ideas distressing repetitive thoughts. Does not experience depersonalisation, the feeling of being unreal, detached and unable to feel emotion. Does not experience derealisation, the feeling of being lifeless with even objects losing any emotive quality.

I lay in the dark and you spoke, slowly, carefully, I didn’t hear just floated on a cushion of air. I looked down and you stared up, so far away. Lips moved but I didn’t hear you, for so long I didn’t hear just floated whilst you went about your life. Occasionally I would reach out to touch your hair, wisps grazing my fingers, settling, gradually resting around your head, a luscious, deep brown corona, halo of the dark Madonna watching silently whilst her love crucified himself on the cross of his mind. I tried so hard to feel, but the thorns drew my attention till all I could see was blood. Still you smiled and loved.

Did not make rocking movements.

Strange Love

There is more than a hint of fear in the air.

Your pale face swims out of darkness, red lipped, dark eyed, sapphire glinting in the depths mocking my listless hands, slipping out of reach whilst your features dissolve, a mass of scarlet pigment melding with kohl and tears streaking down lines to pools at my feet that steam and seethe.

There is more than a hint of pain in the air.

Slowly fingers trace the outline of my jaw, serrated edges peel back the skin, slip beneath muscle, stroke nerve endings, streaming white flashes round my body as raw meat separates from bone and purple veins cling to tendons clotting red against the white of your cheek.

There is more than a hint of violence in the air.

I incise my passion through your belly, teasing out intestines, winding round breasts, plaiting through auburn tresses, a wreath of offal to praise your beauty, an offering of blood to sate your thirst.

There is more than a hint of greed in the air.

You draw back the sheath, separate femur from pelvis, suck back the marrow, pull strength from the velvet meal, rising to the sky moaning as fire melts your eyes.

There is more than a hint of lust in the air.

I open your back, probe through spine and stomach, draw the outline of your liver, paint bile across your heart, tear open ventricles and palpate your soul wrapping it shroud like over our bodies.

There is more than a hint of love in the air.

You bite my lip, coil around and inside, insinuate yourself into my arms, sink through my skin and wear me, enshrined, whole, complete, reborn.